Z the blogger

 When someone turns 21, they end their day at the bar with their, hopefully, first drink.  It's one of the unwritten rites of passage in human life.  I turned 21 on the 22nd of September.  At first, I felt giddy as I opened up presents from my family: a pair of converse weapons, a frightening t-shirt, and a MTG deck box.  I felt the love from afar as various extended family members and friends called me or texted me.  But my birthday felt slightly virtual.   My roommates offhandedly wished me a happy birthday and implied taking me out or buying me a cake, both of which didn't happen.  It's not as if I've been flaunting my birthday, but hardly anyone at college even knew the special Tuesday.  I never want people to treat me special, but a little part of me hopes I will be treated special.  I hope that somebody will surprise me with something small but thoughtful.   I attended class from 8am-2pm, tutored from 2-4, coached ba...

 Have you ever watched someone perform music and just felt connected to them?  Maybe it was a high school talent show or a concert.  For me, I consistently have these feelings.  I remember my college freshmen talent show vividly.  I thought about performing but decided I didn't have the necessary equipment and preparation to put together a decent performance.  One of my friends, however, did perform.  And she got second place.  I cannot help but marvel at the beauty of music.  I feel more alive whenever I play music.  When I listen, though, I feel the gates of heaven open.  This song is all about the experience of performing music and listening to someone perform their heart out.  Heaven is a mystery, but deep in my heart, I believe music will play a significant role in eternal life.  If performing were that easy, then everyone would do it.  There are times I daydream about performing daily; I contemplate making a liv...

 When I'm home in Washington, I serve as a youth leader for my church's youth group.  Due to covid, I was home, and youth group was online.  Nick Rosas, the youth pastor of my church, taught on the Lord's prayer for a number of weeks over Zoom.  I will never forget when he referred to the act of prayer as a secret place where heaven and earth combine.  He portrayed prayer as larger than life; it is a privilege.  No longer are prophets or priests needed to communicate with God.  I found myself challenged to look at prayer as something greater than just a symbolic ritual.  During this time, my fear of the dark and night heightened.  I would not characterize this fear as nyctophobia, but it definitely was real and affected my mental health.  Yes, even a 6'3' twenty year old college student can be afraid of the dark.  I first remember experiencing this fear the night before my first day as a high school senior.  For some reason, I ...